So I was hiking and suddenly, out of nowhere I was feeling blue. Blue because of well, guilt. Guilt for not doing the stuff I was supposed to do. And of course I cling to the (childish) idea of me doing those things in the past and making things right. I know that even if I did the stuff I was supposed to do (in the past) in the end, the outcome would still be the same. Still I like to torture myself with the infamous “what if”. I still try to make amends and do the things I was supposed to do. But I guess I can’t improve on my previous mistakes. Can I?
Basically I know that it won’t change a thing if I did it or not, but the guilt is something I still carry and I have no way to get rid of it. Maybe there is but I still haven’t found it. There must be a way around it.
That’s the downside of being me I guess. Having this badass memory is such a bad thing. I will keep reminding myself of the mistakes I’ve made and how (maybe?) I could have fixed them. I end up being my very own judge and jury. And a damn good one at it.
Anyway, this comes straight from Dexter. And it really hit the nail: “Sins may be forgiven, but conscience is a killer.”
I can hardly wait to watch the new season and keep relating to a fictional serial killer. Of course I relate at the “how he relates to other people” level not at the “how I’m going to chop someone to pieces” level. Those are two different train of thoughts I think. And I’m not a serial killer. I think.
Anyway. I’m going to let this blog act like the ghost of a foster father that is Harry to Dexter. I need some good sense beaten into me.
I gotta stop thinking random crap when I’m hiking. Hiking is supposed to relax me, not make me sad.
I guess that’s all for now.
Cheers.
(thank you Google cache!)
Tags: dexter, english, guilt, karma, life, love, stuff
Entries (RSS)
Escalar, El excursionismo mas que relajar, te ayuda a pensar
Quizás eso fue lo que pasó! La próxima vez vas y mientras, escuchas música happy, aunque con música yo pienso más x’D
Saludos!
That Dexter quote is GOOD. But then u need to put conscience+guilt (which are quite often related) in a separate bag from the “what if” voice. That is NOT the voice of conscience, but of some little fucker in your head. U said it yourself, things would’ve been as they are wether you’d done it the other way (the “what if” way) around…
Mmm primera vez que te leo… Y eso que tenias el link en tu perfi, muy extraño.
Creo que el pasado esta para dejarlo atras, esas cosas que no se hicieron hacen que tu dia a dia como es y nos enseña como deberiamos actuar si se vuelve a presentar una situacion similar.
Y si, esos momentos en los que estamos a solas, y mas si el silencio es lo que nos acompaña, vienen ideas que aturden, solo hay que desechar las que nos hacen daño, no?
Besitos chico, que estes bien ^^
Indeed they are Isa, they are quite often related. It’s like that annoying cousin that never goes away, that little pest. Anyway. I’m very aware of the “what if” voice, that voice is nostalgic of the what could have been but the voice of reason only keeps pointing to the hard, cold facts that keep piling up and prove him (reason) to be right.
Like I said, I’m aware of the whole thing, but that does not mean the annoying cousin will go away anytime soon.
Again, glad you keep taking time off to read my nonsense.
Cheers!
Hey Luisa. Gracias por leerme. Creo que todos nos “recostamos” del pasado de vez en cuando. Y eso es lo que la mayoria de la gente dice: que el pasado es para dejarlo atras. Pero quienes no conocen su propia historia estan condenados a repetirla, no?
Siempre se va a querer “alterar el final” supongo que no hay nada mas humano que eso.
Y (fun fact) no se trata del silencio o el ambiente. Es otra cosa. Quizas no lo notes por ser tu primera vez leyendome pero tiendo a ser bastante criptico acerca de lo que cuento aca.
De cualquier forma saludos y gracias por leer.