the missing link~

So I was hiking and suddenly, out of nowhere I was feeling blue. Blue because of well, guilt. Guilt for not doing the stuff I was supposed to do. And of course I cling to the (childish) idea of me doing those things in the past and making things right. I know that even if I did the stuff I was supposed to do (in the past) in the end, the outcome would still be the same. Still I like to torture myself with the infamous “what if”. I still try to make amends and do the things I was supposed to do. But I guess I can’t improve on my previous mistakes. Can I?

Basically I know that it won’t change a thing if I did it or not, but the guilt is something I still carry and I have no way to get rid of it. Maybe there is but I still haven’t found it. There must be a way around it.

That’s the downside of being me I guess. Having this badass memory is such a bad thing. I will keep reminding myself of the mistakes I’ve made and how (maybe?) I could have fixed them. I end up being my very own judge and jury. And a damn good one at it.

Anyway, this comes straight from Dexter. And it really hit the nail: “Sins may be forgiven, but conscience is a killer.”

I can hardly wait to watch the new season and keep relating to a fictional serial killer. Of course I relate at the “how he relates to other people” level not at the “how I’m going to chop someone to pieces” level. Those are two different train of thoughts I think. And I’m not a serial killer. I think.

Anyway. I’m going to let this blog act like the ghost of a foster father that is Harry to Dexter. I need some good sense beaten into me.

I gotta stop thinking random crap when I’m hiking. Hiking is supposed to relax me, not make me sad.

I guess that’s all for now.

Cheers.

(thank you Google cache!)

Dexter quote time!

“I don’t normally seek human contact in times of failure, but then I don’t normally experience failure.”

So it’s not likely for me to experience failure either, lately I’ve become somewhat accustomed to the constant failing. And that’s not a good thing, at least for me. I think I’ve yet to learn to deal with failure, it’s not that I haven’t failed before but it’s becoming an annoying habit, lately I’ve failed more than I would have liked, but then again, who likes failing?

Having said that, I don’t seek human contact either when I experience failure, I just deal with it the only way I know: bottle up the feeling and find a way to fix the failure. Sometimes I succeed at that.

So far we are only 24 days into the new year and a lot of shit has happened in Venezuela, and it doesn’t look like it’s gonna get any better soon.

My birthday is right around the corner, I’m turning 27! who knew I’d make it this far.

There are some plans, but if you know me I’m not the kind of person who celebrates his birthday, I know, I’m weird.

I still have to write SOMETHING about Avatar 3D, but we’ll get to that later, or the review of whole weekend for that matter.

Anyway, that’s all.

Cheers.

Tonight’s the night.
And it’s going to happen again, and again.
It has to happen. Nice night.

In case you are wondering, that’s what Dexter says when he’s stalking his first victim (S01E01) I first saw this episode a few years ago, and since then the whole “tonight’s the night” thing seem to be glued to the back of my head.

Two nights ago I downloaded and promptly watched the pre-air episode of the upcoming fourth season of Dexter and now I can hardly wait for September 27th (actual season premiere) and then about another week for the second episode. It was THAT awesome. Seriously, these words do no justice to how great it was, really.

I’ve mentioned Dexter before, and if you did not pay me attention before please do so now, go watch it, like, right now. It’s well worth your time, and if you know me for anything it’s for being picky, so this is a good show.

I’ll make this even easier, here’s the links to Season 01, 02 and 03.

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So, today (actually yesterday as I’m not able to sleep…AGAIN) something really funny happened.

You know, I’m not doing okay lately, I have come to realize that, and there’s nothing wrong with it. And I’m confident I’ll solve this whole mess sooner or later, for better or worse, and when it happens it’s not gonna be pretty.

But that’s not what happened, it does however have some sort of link with what I wrote yesterday: you see I was feeling pretty down, right now I feel my life is on hiatus. It’s like this damn mid season where there’s nothing to watch, and you keep trying to pick up something to watch but cant quite decide on it. We all know I’m waiting for Dexter to come back. And today (yesterday) something happened that somehow cheered me up, despite knowing some of the truth behind it(or at least that’s what I think) but right now I don’t plan on judging what just happened. I plan on enjoying what may come afterwards because this made me feel good about myself for once. At least for the time being. Not to mention it was awesome to see how well I can do sometimes.

These are the times where I scare myself to death. And that’s why I keep on running.

Let’s see if I manage to arrive, before I see myself coming.

cheers~

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Saben? A menudo la gente común y corriente, esa que vemos todos los días se queja de que en su vida ordinaria, simple, sencilla y gris no existen posibilidades de aventuras.

De que esas vidas vacías y sin sentido que no se han convertido más que en rutina, en un eterno grinding similar al de los más populares mmorpgs para conseguir “nivel” a través del trabajo que se ve traducido en algún tipo de compensación monetaria.

La rutina o grinding diario de trabajar (salvo cuando hay vacaciones u ocurren hechos extraordinarios) previenen de que veamos realmente que, las aventuras, las historias que anhelamos vivir, los momentos que queremos pasar, las risas que queremos soltar y las lagrimas que queremos llorar están allí. Justo a la vuelta de la esquina, lo que nos hace falta es voluntad, simplemente las ganas de “ver si es posible” para hacerlas realidad.

Generalmente, la gran mayoría de la población no se atreve. Y peor aún, hay gente que cree que no se merece vivir su momento de película/novela en la vida real. No se atreven a vivir la vida. Y la vida es muy corta para estar teniendo miedo.

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